As the Lizzy rants.

i have turned this into a friends only journal..

comment to be added.

i a pretty friendly but am a little protective of my life and stuff.

so yea.

hi.

hey all.

im doing the march of dimes.  march of dimes is a awesome orgrization. i need to find some sponsers. any amount people are willing to give is apperciated.

http://www.marchforbabies.org/Onichick

thanks

lizzy

dude.

i am completely alone with lenny for the first time.

she is just passed out on my chest. she is cute.

still in a mountain of paperwork of doom.

my mommy left today. ill miss her. :(

life is ok. the good out weighs the bad. and it will all work out.

1) Tell you why I friended you.
2) Associate you with a song/film.
3) Tell a random fact about you.
4) Tell a first memory about you.
5) Associate you with a character/pairing.
6) Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
7) Tell you my favourite user pic of yours.
8) In retort, you must spread this disease in your LJ.

hehe.

*SCREAM*

ill let ya all know later.

its bad when its either mental health or physical health.

but it came down to it.

ross is awesome for my mental health sometimes.

i feel so much better.

but i didnt sleep so yea.


tired lizzy.

sick lizzy.

jay will have to be in the hosptial for another two weeks..

i am not amused.

sigh.

jay is out of icu.

its been nice getting to hang out with him.

school is trying to bury me.

but i will prevail.

csumb looks awesome of awesome.

blarfunugenabumcj..

i hate hosptials.

there has been a nurse there who apprantly is a good nurse but just sucks with the people skills.

he royally pissed me off tonight.

to the point where i will not be goin in tomorrow because i know he would be on shift.

fucking f tard.

i think i need to get out and do something....sahar wants me back in class...im torn. i want to dance again..but i cant motivate myself right now. right now i am so wrapped up in work and school and hosptial that doing things for myself is getting hard.

that and i think i need a good hug. like a real supportive hug. but whatever.

jay is off the venilator...still a long road ahead but we are moving in the right direction

jay is in ICU

there is a chance he may die.

he has pancreatsis. which is very very scary.

its always nice when your organs decide to begin to eat themselves.

so everyone please. pray, think, gesture good healing thoughts towards him, i would apperciate it.

boi went to hosptial today. spent several hours watching him be in pain until they know what was wrong. ends up he has gall stones. will have surgery tomorrow.

while at er. ran into a friend. friend thought it was one thing. turn out to be more serious. now really afraid. so everyone who reads this. please send happy energy to the hosptial.

while driving home. hit the curb and blew out my tire. scared the living shit out of myself. but i sat there, laughed and cried at the same time.

and here i thought i could sleep.

i want to help my friends wife. i want everything to be better. i want everything to work out. i hope i am not wanting too much.

went better.

still struggle with shimmy. its better though.

veils make you arms hurt.

they are selling motion pacific so after december not sure if i will still be dancing with sahar.

body is still sore few days later.

more focused to actually go on in bellydance.


_______________________________________________________________________________

life is life..really worn out. but next week is the anniversary show. so yea.
would be better if i didnt i have two papers due the monday after the show.

                                “I don’t want to mourn prettily”

 

 

 

                     

parwana fixes all.

this class went better.

going to the beginning class on monday was helpful.

need to figure out a 3/4 shimmy. brain is not getting it..

so tassles you have any suggustions i more than open.

my tummy hurts.

_________________________________________________________

life is still being life. had a good day at work. still waiting for aid to come in.

the combo of bellydancing-wateraerobics-bellydancing-wateraerobics-taiko-taiko is making me one tired monkey.

school is going well.

 

going to bed. 630am is going to come waaaay to soon.

Watsonville Taiko 15^th Anniversary Show

Oct 14^th and 15^th

 

The 14^th  at 7:30pm Saturday

The 15^th at  2pm      Sunday

 

At the Mello Center

East beach and Lincoln, Watsonville

 

 

The cost is $15 dollars for adults

                  $12 dollars for kids and Seniors.

 

 

 

For more information, get a hold of me or call 831-423-3926

 

today will be my first intermediate bellydancing class....

this should be intresting.

*delurk*

yup. still alive.

been around just. busy. and addicted to myspace.

its been awhile. a looong while.

lots has changed.

i no longer work at jefferies. job was stressing me out to much. i mean to the point i was throwing up.
i am back in school. that is going well. working towards my goal of being a vet tech.
i have a new boyfriend surpise surpise i know. he is a good guy. name is jay. i will post more about him later.
i have discovered the joys of patron.....yummy stuff.
i went back to watsonville taiko. i am performing in the oct show.
over all doing much better.
i also went to san diego for a week...santa diego is cool beans.
i lost my cell so i have no ones number so yea. send them to me.

there are quite a few things that i am skimming over but eh.

well i will try to not be such a stranger and keep everyone posted.

 right now. i am going to be honest. if you dont wanna know that you can stop reading.

there i gave everyone a exit.

there is something wrong with me. i have been hiding it because well...what i am about to say could considered attention whoring. right now in my life i have no direction. i just a few days ago have decided to givemyself direction. but not beofre the point where i got suicidal. i spent several hours thursday debating. i didnt want to talk to anyone about it because well... i knew what everyone would say and i knew that it wouldnt be enough.

i have lived my life for other people so long that i dont have anything i want. i have always had someone else there to validate me. now i dont and its hard. i have found its hard for to do. it makes me losing my will. i am fighting. i am trying. i want not to be this way. i dont want to be someone who has to be in a relationship.

i am very eager to please. i just want everyone happy, i will turn myself inside out to achieve this. i will and have  scarificed everything to make people happy. i really cant think of what i want. i cant push everyone else out of my mind long enough to hear it.

i just want everyone to be happy. thats all.

my happiness is my own concern.

i feel horrible for verbalizing this. because i hate to worry people. i hate it.

but because of my recent i have to be honest streak i am finding i cant keep it hidden.  there has been several times recently where i have wanted to just let go of the wheel of my car, just to see what would happen. not really caring if i survived. at least if i died now everyone would think of me fondly.

i have debated joining the military. i have debated a lot of things. so many things, my head is full of things.

my plan for myself right now is to live this summer. full throttle. then to go back to school. get my degree at school and then transfer to a vet school in either washington or chicago.

i hope this is enough. i really really hate being this apathetic about myself.


sigh.

no worries. i will keep chugging along. i am a good little girl. despite what anyone thinks.


ps. i want the shiny.